Coming out again (…and again).

There's been some discussion on Twitter recently about coming out. We misrepresent coming out. Things like the It Gets Better Project kind of set up the notion that it's a single event, a watershed. While it's true that the first time you come out is usually the hardest, and it's the most significant — involving the people closest to you — coming out is something that you will do every day once you've taken that first step.

Quite often the first time is the only time you are likely to have any real control over the way it happens. Once you're out you're out. Under the best circumstances the people around you will just be honest about your sexuality and support you. This is great, but it means they're not going to avoid the subject or keep it quiet for you. You'll be outed casually and it's most often no big deal and when it is your friends are there and have your back, or they should if they're really your friends.

Not all circumstances are as innocuous. Office gossip, access to your social profiles, any number of things can out you to people who don't need to know your business or that might use that knowledge to cause trouble. Nobody whispers to a colleague that the new guy in the office is scandalously straight, so straight folks rarely consider that their willingness to discuss the details of your private life can in unfortunate circumstances put you at risk of harm; physical, social, or professional.

You'll come out every day for the rest of your life, and it won't always be easy.

State of the Tech 2016

Doing More